Do you really care? Is your life so shitty that the voyeurism of a nobody is better than dealing with the daily emotional baggage of your worthless existence? It wasn’t me who made those poor choices. Deal with it.

But if you’re somehow inclined to know more, here’s twelve facts about me:

1. Originally from New York City, but living now in Louisville, Kentucky.
2. Have been performing stand-up comedy professionally for 15 years.
3. Run a web marketing agency for local small businesses.
4. Was a front-end designer for several Wall Street financial institutions.
5. Once actually did Cold Fusion development for a strip club.
6. Administered a Football Manager video game fansite.
7. For two years, managed an underground poker room in New York City.
8. Competed in the 2005 World Series of Poker.
9. Sang in a touring punk/hardcore band.
10. Booked and ran an all-ages DIY music venue for five years.
11. Once umpired a Little League doubleheader at Yankee Stadium.
12. Acted in an off-off Broadway play as a teenager.

What more do you need to know? Get lost and go do something, you lazy fuck.